New News for Spanking? Should You or Shouldn’t You?

Spanking is in the news again.   The old saying is if you spare the rod you’ll spoil the child. But a new study finds spanking a child may do more long-term harm than good.

The study in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics found a high percentage of American parents spank or slap their children. And it suggests children who are spanked, hit, or pushed as a means of discipline may be at an increased risk of mental problems in adulthood — from mood and anxiety disorders to drug and alcohol abuse.

It equates harsh physical punishment with increased mood disorders, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug abuse and dependence, severe personality disorders and even depression.  Individuals who are physically punished have an increased likelihood of having mental health disorders. Approximately 2% to 7% of mental disorders in the study were linked to physical punishment.

Some people might even say that spanking turns into abuse later in life.

Many parents don’t believe in it and feel that punishment is a “time out” or sitting in the corner that can do good – even taking away a Nintendo or PS3 or the TV is enough of a punishment for many children today. The reality is that many parents say they do and would use spanking as a form of discipline. So what is the right tactic?

Parents’ right to use physical punishment has been abolished in more than 30 nations, but not in the USA or Canada, says the Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment, endorsed by the United Nations and others.

For the study, Afifi and colleagues analyzed data from a government survey of 35,000 non-institutionalized adults in the USA, collected between 2004 and 2005.

About 1,300 of the respondents, all over age 20, were considered to have experienced physical punishment as children. They reported that they had, sometimes or more often, been “pushed, grabbed, shoved, slapped or hit by your parents or any adult living in your house.”

But some family researchers argue that spanking, used properly, can be appropriate discipline.

I personally am a fan of not spanking and anyone who needs suggestions on more-effective methods of discipline to a primer on USNews.com called “3 Alternatives to Spanking That Work for Parents and Kids”:

• Focus on rewarding positive behavior rather than punishing bad deeds. Check out this video with Alan Kazdin, director of the Yale Child Study Center, showing how to praise a child right with immediate, focused praise rather than the bland “good job!”
• Time-outs work, but they have to be done right to serve as effective punishment. A good time-out is short, focused and doesn’t involve lectures after the fact.
• Be consistent in how you discipline your children. This one’s tough for all parents — hey, we’re humans too! — but will go a long way toward making your home a haven rather than a battlefield.

CHECK OUT LE TOP CHILDREN’S CLOTHING AT
www.letop-usa.com

Read Full Post »

Do you trust your nanny? Mary Poppins 101

SHOP LE TOP’s FALL 2010 COLLECTION HERE
ENJOY FREE GROUND SHIPPING*

Whenever I think about hiring or trusting a nanny today, images flash to my mind of the funny nanny cam used in the movie “Meet the Parents” to spy on Ben Stiller. Never seen the movie? Not to worry, the point is – how do you trust your caregiver with your child and do you need to be watching them? Basically the majority of my childhood, I grew up with various nannies – some GOOD and some BAD. My first piece of advice as a person who grew up with caregivers…take your time finding one!

Finding the right nanny to care for your most prized little one is one of the first – and hardest – decisions you may make as a parent.  There are many things to consider, such as – Do you want a daycare environment or a private nanny at home? Do you have family member who can help part- or full-time?  How much can you afford? What kind of coverage will you need? Try to get a clear picture of what is most convenient and fits your family’s structure, and it will help you target your search and cause you less stress during the process.

In regards to the trust issue at hand – it may be that you’re going back to work after maternity leave, or you may be taking on part-time work and need to find someone to watch your children while you are not home. Whatever the case, you can’t just snap your fingers and Mary Poppins arrives. It’s not enough to just wish for Mary Poppins or Nanny 911— you need to do your research.

Unlike other professions, there are no national standards in the United States for nanny training, and there is no state or national group in charge of regulating job performance. Therefore, it is imperative that parents thoroughly interview and screen a potential nanny before she begins caring for their children. The easiest way to verify the background of a candidate is to hire a high-quality nanny agency.

If you can, find an agency that belongs to the Alliance of Professional Nanny Agencies, a professional group that requires members to conduct rigorous background checks. Agencies usually charge 10 percent of a nanny’s first-year salary, plus a $100 to $300 application fee. If you decide you are going to do your own background checks, it’s imperative that you know what to look for and what to ask about. And even if you do use a nanny agency, you should know what makes up a good background check.

When hiring a nanny or babysitter for your family, always check references and employment history. Additionally, always TRUST your instincts. Don’t worry if you’re alone in your hesitation; if you’re not feeling completely satisfied with any single aspect of your nanny’s application or it just doesn’t feel right, move on to another candidate.

Below are some good questions to ask or create a DIY application for nanny candidates:

Experience & Training Questions:

1. How long have you been a nanny
2. How old were the other children you cared for?
3. Do you have any formal early childhood development or childcare training?
4. Would you be willing to take classes to further your education in childcare?
5. Do you have emergency training?
   CPR: yes / no  First-aid: yes / no
   If not, would you be willing to take CPR classes and first-aid training? yes / no
6. What would you do if my child was sick or had an accident?
7. Would you mind if I ran a background check on you? yes / no

Philosophy Questions:

1. Why are you a nanny? Why are you looking for a new position?
2. What do you like about the job?
3. Describe your ideal family/employer.
4. What do you like least about being a nanny? Do you have any special peeves about parents/children/pets?
5. What are your beliefs about childrearing?
6. What do children like best about you?
7. How do you comfort children?
8. How do you deal with separation anxiety?
9. How do you discipline children? Give me an example of a previous discipline problem and how you handled it.
10. What are some of the rules you’ve followed in other households that you think worked well?
11. Which rules haven’t worked for you?
12. Would you be willing to follow my rules and disciplining/comforting strategies even if they’re different from yours?

Daily Routine Questions:

1. What will my child be doing on any given day? (Click here for our daily log sheet.)
2. What are your favorite activities to do with a child the age of mine?
3. If I’m working in the house, will you be able to keep my child happily occupied without involving me?

Logistics Questions:

1. Do you have future plans (school, job, marriage, etc.) that would put a limit on how long you expect to be a nanny?
2. Do you have a well-functioning car, with appropriate safety belts and room for car seats? yes / no
3. Do you want a live-in arrangement? yes / no
4. If it’s not a live-in arrangement, where do you live and how would you get to work?
5. If it were not a live-in arrangement, would you bring your own food or expect meals to be provided?
6. Do you smoke? yes / no
7. Are you willing to do light chores while our baby is sleeping? Which ones?


8. Do you have any personal responsibilities or health issues that could interfere with a regular work schedule?
9. When would you be able to start working?

10. Would you ever be available to work evenings or weekends?
11. Would you be available to travel with our family for weekends/vacations?


12. When do you expect to take a vacation of your own?
13. What is your salary range?

Read Full Post »

Le Top Takes: Out of the Mouths of Babes!

No, I did NOT say that!

OMG! What did you say to me?

My daughter and I were driving in the car having a jolly old time, singing songs and having a nice mother-daughter bonding moment on our way to the nail salon. All of a sudden, while I was belting out the song “Holiday” by Madonna, my daughter said,

Zip it, Mom!”

– Miranda, age 4

I practically slammed on my brakes, glared at my daughter through the rear view mirror, and asked her, “What did you just say to me?!”

Daughter: Zip it.

Me: Who says, “Zip it!”? Because I know I don’t say “Zip it” to you. So tell me… Where did you hear that from?

I was so angry and had to contain myself and save my anger for the person who she heard that from. I patiently waited for her answer.

Daughter: I heard it from your show, Ugly Betty.

Shame faced, I continue to drive. Oh dear! This is all MY fault.

Editor’s Note:
Please spread the giggles by sharing your funny quotes with us!

Read Full Post »

Picking Your Battles

It’s hard to say "no" to this face!

I have a 28 month old. I don’t want to call it the terrible twos  because she’s just being independent…right? I love that she has a will of  her own, but boy, is it ever a challenge to get through everything these days! In the morning, it’s a struggle to pick clothes that are  acceptable to both of us. Throughout the day, it’s a (not fun) game trying to get her to pick up her toys.

The other night, I asked her to pick up all her magnetic letters and either put them on the fridge or in the old coffee can. She refused. I then asked her to help me do it. She just sat there and watched me. OK, I know I can’t do it for her because that is just setting myself up for the next 15-20 years of continuing to “do” for her. I decided this was a battle I was going to win and was prepared to do whatever it took to make it happen. Now I had to get tough and tell, not ask, her to do it. She still refused. I wrapped my hand around hers and helped her to pick up each letter and then released her hand making her drop it, but all that did was entertain her. She just thought it was funny. Finally I told her if she didn’t cooperate she had to go to bed. She still refused so I hauled her to the bedroom. She cried and said, “No, no”. When I asked if she would pick up her letters she said she would. I brought her back to the kitchen. When I sat her down she again refused. After going back and forth a couple of times with longer periods of time in the bedroom she finally gave in and picked everything up.

I know this process was significantly more painful for me than for her, but at least I won this round. She’s been a bit better about it this week. Next week, I’m sure there will be a whole new battle. I’d love to find out if anyone has a fun ways to teach kids to pick up after themselves.

Read Full Post »