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Posts Tagged ‘childhood responsibilities’

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work it takes to keep your house clean? It’s time to put your kid’s to work. Most experts agree that chores are good for children and they can really help lighten the load. My daughter is 5-years-old and I feel like just as I get one room clean I walk to the one she’s in and it’s now a disaster. It is time for her to help.

Author Jim Fay explains that chores are essential for children. In addition to our needs for physical and emotional safety, love and affection, and healthy amounts of control, he says, we also all need to be needed. That’s because we’re pack animals by nature.

“If your child never has to raise a finger, that basic need has been stolen away,” says Fay, co-founder of the parenting philosophy found at the web site loveandlogic.com. “Children need to feel as though they’re a cog in the wheel. But they can’t feel that way if they don’t have chores and make contributions to the family.”

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As an only child with many chores to regularly complete I know had a better understanding of what it took to run a house than some of my friends that had to do less. Though I didn’t appreciate it at the time it did establish helpful habits and a good attitude about work in me (especially when I also saw my parents doing their chores). This prepared me for the real world, taking pride in doing a good job and eased my transition to adulthood.

I’m all for my daughter contributing and preparing her for her future. I’ve been experimenting with what she can do so I recently tried having her wash dishes. Yes, she is young and it takes patience to watch what she’s doing but since I don’t have a dishwasher (How did that happen?) I will take what I can get. It is a slow process. Sometimes she loves to “help mommy” and other times she’d rather not. Sure, she uses too much water (plus gets it everywhere) and the dishes aren’t as clean as they could be but you’ve got to start somewhere. I stay in the kitchen wiping down countertops and then dry the dishes as she washes. Family fun! That way I can immediately see her process and show her when there is food that wasn’t quite washed off on dishes, give her tips AND tell her what a great job she’s doing.

Tip: Don’t rewash them yourself especially if your child is present as it can make them feel they didn’t do a good job and can demotivate them. Older kids may realize they can get out of doing the chore if they do a bad job.

At her age some of the dishes are a little unwieldy. She has to wash the outside of glasses by putting her fist inside then washes the inside while it sits on bottom of the sink. You may choose to only have your preschooler wash plastic dishes or metal pans instead of entrusting them with everything. It’s up to you. Get them started by having them put away some of the dishes or load up the dishwasher. Clearing the dinner table is something that is easy for almost any child.


Make sure the chore is something your child can handle but don’t underestimate them. If they can figure out a complicated video game they can probably handle a task that is one, two or more steps.

  • Provide a wide berth with deadlines. You give them a framework and they can choose when it works best for them with that timeframe.
  • Be specific with instructions. Example: ‘Put your clothes in the closet, books on the shelf, dishes in the kitchen, and toys in the toy box.’
  • Ease into chores for children. First, demonstrate step-by-step. Next, let your child help, then supervise them. Then it’s up to them.
  • Offer periodic praise.
  • Go easy with reminders. You may want to have a chore board or use the “when/then” technique, such as, “When the pets are fed, then you may have your dinner.”

And, as your children grow up and get busy, don’t let them off the hook, says Fay. He says to tell them, “I hope you get so quick with your chores that they don’t interfere with everything else.”

Here is a list I found that can be helpful in dividing up chores for kids of any age.


Chores for children ages 2 to 3

  • Put toys away.
  • Fill pet’s food dish.
  • Put clothes in hamper.
  • Wipe up spills.
  • Dust.
  • Pile books and magazines.

Chores for children ages 4 to 5
Any of the above chores, plus:

  • Make own bed.
  • Empty wastebaskets
  • Bring in mail or newspaper.
  • Clear table.
  • Pull weeds.
  • Use hand-held vacuum to pick up crumbs.
  • Water flowers.
  • Unload utensils from dishwasher.
  • Wash plastic dishes at sink.
  • Fix bowl of cereal.

Chores for children ages 6 to 7
Any of the above chores, plus:

  • Sort laundry.
  • Sweep floors.
  • Set and clear table.
  • Help make and pack lunch.
  • Weed and rake leaves.
  • Keep bedroom tidy.
  • Pour own drinks.

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Lilah (18 months) with my husband learning how to water our garden

My mom was recently looking through some old boxes when she came across one of my old chores schedules (see below). It reminded me of something that I need to start thinking about for my daughter. Chores!

I come from generations of entrepreneurs and my parents have owned their own business since I was 5 years old. Naturally, they were compelled to teach me about good work ethics and the value of money. Starting at a young age, I had chores and received a small allowance, but when I was about 10 years old they felt it was time to really learn about money.   

We had a large house filled with tons of plants and a huge yard with even more plants (no sprinkler system). My parents decided that they would pay me well for doing chores because “if you don’t do it, we’ll have to pay someone else to do it.” At that age, they also gave me the responsibility of buying all of my own clothes and paying for any extra activities. I was not allowed to ask for money for the movies or that pair of jeans “I just had to have.” They also would not provide me with candy, sweet cereal, or anything they deemed out of the ordinary for groceries, however I could buy those items for myself if I chose to do so. It was up to me to manage my money. They helped me start a savings account and encouraged me to use it.

Many people believe that kids should not be paid for chores because it’s just something they should do. However, if they are too young to get a job and earn money then they will come to you for money for everything little thing they want to do or want you to buy. It’s up to you to say yes or no and get hounded until you give in just to make them stop. At least with an allowance and a chores schedule that my parents set up, they knew how much they were paying out every week and I knew I could not ask for more. It was clear about what was expected of me. My chores had to be done on time, if they were not done on time I was docked money. As I grew older, I took on more responsibilities and received incremental increases (much like in a job). I can’t say I’ve been perfect with my money, but having responsibilities over my own money at a young age helped me understand that money does not grow on trees. Every parent has a different philosophy about this topic, but you have to do what works for you. Good luck!

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Lilah (wearing a short dress and capri leggings from the rabbitmoon 'cupcake' collection) and Ozzy

Throughout my childhood, we had a total of 2 dogs, 4 cats, a guinea pig, and fish. I loved them all. I had to learn how to care for them by feeding, bathing, walking, and playing with them. I hated having to clean their litter boxes or move their doodie (my term for poop at that time) to a place in the yard, and bury it.  Despite this, I loved playing with them!  It taught me to be gentle, kind, loving, and responsible.

Lilah is so pleased to be carrying her Kasha kitty

A few years into my husband and my relationship, we adopted 2 sibling cats to practice being a family. We gave them tons of love and eventually they came around from their feral ways. When I became pregnant (6 months later) my female cat, Kasha, would sleep up against my stomach (which she had never done before). She seemed to know there was a little life inside me. Obviously when my daughter Lilah was born, it was a huge change for all of us (including the kitties!). Most cats don’t take well to crying babies (plus they get much less attention), but since my cats were still young themselves, they seemed to get used to it pretty quickly. Kasha stuck close to Lilah, but slightly out of her range. Ozzy (my other cat) generally stayed at least 10 feet away from her.

What I can say now is that Lilah adores her kitties. They tolerate her laying on them, carrying them around the house, and throwing balls, Frisbees and whatever else she thinks they’ll like. So far her responsibilities are just to love and play with them, retrieve them if they get out in the yard, and know exactly where they are at all times (she took this on without being asked). Eventually I will give her more tasks like I was given as a child.  Maybe in a few years we could add a dog to mix, but for now, I think our family of 5 is just …purrfect.

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