Moms spend so much time with their newborns, babies and children that it can be really hard to separate yourself or vice-versa for the children to let go of you not being with them. I know certain moms who have never even used a baby sitter! Crazy! Parents, especially stay at home moms, need to get out of the house and have time for yourself too in order to have a balanced and healthy life. Often times a mom can think, “How could anyone else know to take care of him and fix things like I do?”
Separation anxiety is a natural part of development for babies and kids, but as many parents know, they aren’t the only ones who feel uncomfortable when mom or dad leaves! It can be especially intense in the first year – parents worry about safety, sleeping and so-on.
If you find yourself struggling with separation, here are some tips you might want to consider:
1. Allow yourself to feel anxious.
Separation anxiety is the other side of the attachment coin. A healthy bond with your child means a certain degree of discomfort.
2. Know that other caregivers do things differently.
After being so close to your baby and children, you have fine-tuned your approach on how to handle your child. One of the tough parts about leaving your child is the fear that no one else knows the ‘secrets.’ That is true – but kids are surprisingly adaptive. Grandparents, dad or a babysitter, those people will find their own way and might surprise you with the tricks they invent to watch your child.
3. Separation is an important part of attachment.
It is healthy fory our baby to be taken care of by multiple caregivers. Allowing kids to trust and be cared for by other people only boosts their feeling of community and sense that the world is a safer place.
4. Taking time for yourself isn’t just for fun, it’s for your health.
In the early months, if leaving your wee baby makes you miserable, don’t’ force it. But as he or she grows, it’s natural and healthy to start putting pieces of your own life back into its old schedule. This means, take time to go work out, meet with a friend for coffee or lunch, have a date night with your hubby, etc. Taking care of yourself is important to you and your child too.
5. Look beyond the guilt!
Guilt is a common go-to emotion for parents, but it’s not a very useful one! Feeling guilty over being away from your child can be a way of not dealing with things. Acknowledge your guilt, but don’t let it become your emotional crutch, excuse or hideout.
Overall – just know that attachment doesn’t just mean physically being there, and that separation anxiety will eventually diffuse over time. 🙂
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