“This is my first pregnancy. In my first trimester, I really had an awful bout of morning sickness. Now I’m 17 weeks and things are starting to feel back to normal, and my appetite has returned. The problem is, my husband is worried that I am not gaining any weight. In fact, I am the same weight as before I got pregnant. He goes to all my doctor’s appointments, he reads more pregnancy books than I do, and makes sure that all the food that I eat is healthful. I appreciate all the attention but it’s driving me crazy? What should I do?”
— Patricia (Irvine, CA)
The joys of the first pregnancy: such a special time, yet enough to drive you bananas because there is so much information to know and learn. AND, everyone seems to have an opinion about what’s best for you. It is wonderful to have such a caring and attentive husband. Not everyone shares those circumstances. He wants to be part of the pregnancy as much as possible. On the other hand, I can see how his behavior could make you go crazy. He is smothering you and not trusting your own judgement. You’re new to this as much as he is, and his actions can cause undue stress. The best advice I could give is to make sure you are both keeping the lines of communication open. Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. If he is as caring as you say, he should be able to understand that you need some space. And if he is reading more pregnancy books than you, then he should know that women experience pregnancy in different ways. And, the same woman can experience each pregnancy differently. If he still isn’t giving you enough space, I would suggest that you talk, together, with your obstetrician to address his concerns and consider asking for a third opinion. Good luck with your pregnancy!
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I have had the same problems through my pregnancy, not with my husband, but with my husband’s parents and their friends! I am 35 weeks, and haven’t put on much weight and am still not getting really big in my stomach (which when people expressed concern enough times, started making me nervous too), but I have been eating every time I’m hungry and being very healthy to make sure our baby is getting all of the nutrients she needs. We went in for another ultrasound this week as our baby appeared to be breech at the doctors office, and they took all of the baby’s measurements again… to our surprise she’s measuring BIGGER than the dates I am! So regardless of how much weight I’ve gained or how much I’m showing, I feel like I’m getting enough food, and our baby-on-the-way is getting PLENTY of nutrients. It seems that looks and numbers can be deceiving, but I think our doctors know the things to look out for if there is anything to be worried about. Everyone is different, and the same person can react to two different pregnancies COMPLETELY differently. I have had to learn not to compare myself to other pregnant women, and have asked others to do the same.
Thanks for your comments, Sara! I totally agree with you. Women’s bodies are different and we need to learn not to compare. Good luck with your pregnancy. I’m almost due soon. Five weeks or less, and am measuring right on schedule, too!
It seems logical that every woman would experience a pregnancy differently, given that we are all so different, in many ways, even when we’re NOT pregnant! Thanks for sharing your story, Sara. It sounds like you’re taking a really great approach to handling everyone’s opinions, as well as listening to your body and taking great care of your prenatal health.
We’re all excited to hear back from everyone once they have their beautifully healthy and uniquely individual babies!