One of our "Mommy & Daughter" days: Flying a kite
One of our readers, Emmy, commented in a previous entry, “….as much as I was excited with my new addition to the family, I was overcome with a touch of sadness that my uninterrupted one-on-one time with my first-born daughter would come to an end.” I’ve heard similar stories from my mommy friends about how the closer they got to the end of their second pregnancy, the more guilt they felt. The thought of having to split their time with another child, or worse yet, spending almost all of their time with a newborn, has taken a toll on their emotions. I remember one of my friends, Kim, bursting into tears as she was telling me this. Back then, I thought she was just hormonal and overreacting. Now, I know EXACTLY how she felt!
For the last 4-1/2 years, I’ve spent many hours of “alone time” with my daughter, Miranda. When I’m not working or doing household chores (insert my husband’s sarcasm here: “Chores? What chores?), we would do fun activities. We’d go to the library, play at the park, go see a chic-flick or a kids’ movie (love this!), or drive to the mall and shop (she loves clothes, so she is always a pleasure to bring along because she has the patience of a shopaholic!) One time, while Daddy was away on business, we spent an entire Mommy & Daughter week together. We had a fabulous time! We had plans every single day, without a care in the world. We even ended up having our picture published in the local newspaper that week!
So as Baby No. 2’s arrival lurks over me, I can’t help but wonder what lies ahead. I know that Daddy will be helping more, but still. What will happen to “Mommy & Daughter” time? What if she wants me to read to her? What if she wants to curl up next to me in bed in the middle of the night? What if Baby No. 2 doesn’t like ABBA songs? What if she falls, and I can’t be at her side right away? Will she understand that she needs to be just a little bit more patient, but that I’m still there for her?
I’m sure I will survive and adjust to having a new addition to our family, but I am curious how other moms dealt with this. I didn’t have this problem with my first pregnancy, so this is all new and uncharted territory to me…
Le Top blog 
Oh Jamee! How familiar this all sounds. My best method of dealing with these feelings was to really remember that the new addition was one of THE best gifts I could give Hayden. Nothing replaces the love and relationships between siblings. So instead of feeling guilt, I felt pride that I was able to give him such a gift. Months before our little guy arrived I had been talking to Hayden about what a special gift he’s getting and it really comforted me to be honest with him. I told Hayden I was a little nervous the baby may start crying in the midst of a story or poop its pants and we’d have to leave the park early, etc. He said, “I’ll help you mommy and it’ll be okay!” That just sealed the deal right there. Plus, it reinforced his role in our family….brought him closer to his brother too. Just my two cents 🙂 Or 20 actually!
That is such a sweet picture! And I think if it’s your kid, he or she will genetically know ABBA songs!!
Thanks, Amber! That is uplifting. I know Miranda will be okay, and that I will be okay. She’s been so excited and has already volunteered to help. It’s just a little scary to think about it sometimes.
my son was 3 and half when my second son was born. i felt exactly the same way and would cry everyday when i thought about my older son’s feelings. one day i came upon this poem. it totally captures how i feel. i still cry when i read it and my baby is already 15 months.
And then there were 2
As I hold your 2-year-old hand,
basking in the glow of our magical relationship,
I suddenly feel a kick from within,
as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder:
How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me,
as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way,
“Please love only me.”
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
“I can’t,” knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing,
I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him.
— as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change,
first to curiosity, then to protectiveness,
finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading
fast. But something else is replacing
those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times — only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow,
the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you,
I’ve given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you?
only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you’ll never share my love.
There’s enough of that for both of you
— you each have your own supply.
I love you — both
and I thank you both for blessing my life. “
Melissa… You have just made me cry like a fool over here (and I need to function today!). Thank you for sharing this with me. It’s a beautiful!
One more thought…Once the baby came, we gave Hayden a book, “You’re All My Favorites” by Sam McBratney. It’s still one of his favorites!